Yikes

So Santa has visited our house, the stockings are hung by the chimney with care and all of that...and I am awake, because sadly night is when I'm awake. I've got plenty of time to sit here and worry.

I have been approved for surgery. I have a surgery date. December 29. I just keep thinking what is going to happen to my little guys if something happens to me. I have a very knowledgeable surgeon who has been doing gastric bypass surgeries for nearly 30 years. I have researched my options. I know the risks and complications that can come from surgery. I have thought and prayed about my decision and have felt good about it. Now...I'm worried. I'm worried about my little boys.

Earlier this week, I had an ultrasound and and upper GI study (with barium)....to prepare for surgery. Did I mention that they were both awful?
Ok, I get that I'm fat...but seriously the girl doing the ultrasound pressed so hard into my guts to get a good picture, that I seriously have huge bruises all accross my belly. That, sadly, is nothing compared to having to drink barium. I couldn't eat at all before the test, and so I already had a bunch of acid in my throat from my acid reflux. Then, the hand me a drink that is about 10 times more fizzy than 7-up, but it was an awful lemon lime flavor. They tell me it will make me feel like I have to burp, but do not burp. Then they hand me this cup and tell me to drink three big swallows. It was seriously the consistency of pudding. I gagged but didn't vomit.
and the glass of nastiness down. Then they tell me to lay on a table, and roll around to coat my belly with this chalk garbage. I was already feeling nauseated, but then they said we're going to have you lay down and sip through a straw while we're taking x-rays. Um. ok. Well, it didn't quite work like that. I attempted to do what they asked and the barium inside of me decided to head on back up. I was able to keep it down and they finished the test but it was awful.

Also, I'm a little worried about the cost of the surgery. I was told initially that I was going to have to pay $500 for the cost of my patient education and supplies. This isn't covered by insurance and I have to pay it on December 27. It's been 6 months of trying to get approved for the surgery. During this time, we've managed to save nearly enough to cover these expenses.

I got a letter from the surgeon yesterday that informed me that I will actually have to pay nearly $2000 prior to surgery. This pays a deposit on the surgeon, co surgeon and pays a deposit to LDS hospital. I will also be taking 7 days off of work unpaid,assuming I am approved after that for my short term disability.

My short term disability will not be decided until AFTER I have surgery, which makes me SO nervous.

Tonight Robert and my Dad, Brandon and David put their hands on my head and gave me a blessing. I feel better. I know it's a good idea, but I'm still nervous about the unknown.

I worked my last night taking telephone calls for delta...well at least for 6-8 weeks. I work tomorrow and the next day, but I'm helping with the new hire classes and so I get to work an earlier shift and I won't be answering any calls....until Mid-January to February :)