Thursday, October 29, 2009


Ok, so I had the H1N1 garbage last week. That's really what it is, garbage. Seriously, I've been more sick pregnant for sure. (ok, ok I get the anti-pregnancy shot every couple of months, but still...the H1N1 shot is pointless!)
Anyways, Wednesday I started feeling really dizzy, it's just at times, it comes and goes and I can't really predict when it's going to happen. Sometimes I am standing up, sometimes bending down, sometimes laying down. It's honestly the weirdest thing. Well, last night I passed out and scared the begebees out of Robert. I woke up to him slapping my face and screaming my name at the top of his lungs. Good times. I did pass out two times today and it's really strange. I thought for awhile that it was my blood sugar, because I hadn't eaten much in the past two days, but I have eaten fine since this all started and it is still occurring. I also thought it might be orthostatichypotension (low blood pressure when you stand up basically) I suffered from that during my pregnancies when I wasn't able to keep down fluids. But I've been drinking tons (of water, thank you very much) and still I feel dizzy. I can't really explain it, but hopefully it will get better. I also thought that maybe it could be an inner ear infection because I have had some cold like symptoms, but my ear doesn't all in all, it's a little odd...and I'm hoping for improvement.
On a more positive note, I'm really looking forward to the trunk or treat for our ward which is going to be tomorrow. I'm planning on carving pumpkins with the boys either tomorrow night or Saturday, I think that should be really fun. I'll try to remember to post pictures.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Yay for Tuesday

Tuesdays are usually my busiest days. I drop Logan off for school, try to get some work done around the house, and then dash to pick Logan up for school before Robert gets home from work, then I kiss Robert hello/goodbye as I go to my city council meeting (which can last into the wee hours of the night) Then, I have to be up for work Wednesday at 4 am. Yup, it's busy.
Today just started out bad because I woke up to the feeling that there was something or someone breathing on me. I looked up to see Logan leaning over me and he says "Good morning momma!" I looked around and realized that it was light outside already. Somehow, I managed to sleep until 8:35 a.m. Now, I know, that sounds fabulous, but it's not when you have to have your kids and yourself ready to drop Logan off at school at 9 am. I threw a pile of clothes at Logan and said "Hurry, get ready!" Then I jumped in the shower and got ready like a mad woman. We made it with about 4 minutes to spare. To add to the craziness, Logan's coordinator from headstart wanted to come and do a home visit today. I got Jonah in bed for a nap and by 11:30 he was asleep. The coordinator got to our house at 11:30 and instantly Jonah woke up (awesome!) So that lasted no longer than 1 hour, after which, I attempted to put Jonah back down for a nap (yeah, I know, wishful thinking) I decided to make some pasta for dinner because I have council meeting later tonight, and I figured making dinner would give Robert less of an excuse to go get a burger for dinner. So I start cooking meat and garlic and everything and I get done, cover the dinner with saran wrap and put it in the fridge, thinking that I'm just oh, so efficient. I look at the clock at it's 1:37 p.m. 7 minutes after the time that I was supposed to pick up Logan from school. That's right, I forgot my son! I grabbed Jonah, jumped in the car and drove like a maniac to the school. We get there to an empty parking lot. I get in the classroom and there's Logan, sitting on the floor waiting for his name to be called so he could go home (mind you the lights have already been turned off by the teachers.) Yup, it's official, worst mom ever.

Additionally, the coordinator asked if we would be willing to take a step parenting class through Utah State University (the same class we are currently taking for the second time) I told her we have taken it a couple of times already, but she said they want all of the families who are blended families to take it in January, so it looks like we get to take it again. It makes me laugh, Robert will be SO mad!!! Every time we go, he gives me the hardest time because he says I only take the class because they provide dinner and I don't want to cook. (Which IS a definate perk!!!)

Sunday, October 25, 2009


So I did it yet again today. I went to church. I went, knowing that I was going to be ignored and unwelcome. I go nearly every week. (I've missed the last 2 because we've had swine flu in our house.)
It's never been easy. I used to look forward to the small glimmer of light I got every week at church. Now, I'm sorry to say that I don't look forward to it. I really dread it. I've been divorced now over a year.
That's when there was a big change. People went from talking to me in the hallways to ignoring me even if I do say hello. (Not all people, but more than a dozen. More than two dozen for that matter.)
I've tried to stay positive, laughing about it and saying that at least I know who my real friends are. That's the truth, my real friends have stuck by me. They've come and talked to me themselves when they've heard rumors, they've been great. It's those others that make me dread Sundays. It doesn't make it hurt any less when I speak to people who once acted as if they were my friend, and they look at me and without any sort of response, walk off.
It's so hard to be divorced, let alone divorced and mormon. It's like having the word "Loser" tatooed to your forehead. It's rough. There's the initial response that you get from everyone "What happened?" (which is none of their business!)
To a random judgement. I'm not sure if it's because I moved on and remarried quickly, or if they just resent me for recognizing that I was never going to be happy in my current situation. I really don't understand what exactly the problem is...but I know that I don't like it.
I really thought I would have the love and support of my ward. It is really hard to go through a divorce. It's not something you can explain in words. It's also even harder to blend a family. Those who haven't been there, will never truly understand what a hard journey that is.
There are a few individuals who have been very sweet, but on the most part, I feel abandoned.
I believe in the church with all of my heart. I know it's true. That's why I keep going. Why I get up Sunday and mentally prepare for what I am going to have to go through. I wish it could be different. I just keep trucking a long, and maybe some day it will be. I hope it will.

that's all, just had to vent a little.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Ok...I know, I know, It's time to update the blog!

Alright already, I get it. It's been a long time since I've updated the blog! So here we go

Logan has been in school for over a month. He is loving it.
This is a picture of him on his first day...

We have been down for about a week with the swine flu. Jonah has been pretty sick. I'm ok...I just feel blah.

Work is going well.

Robert and I have started taking another step parenting class. That's always fun and interesting. Those classes usually make me feel like a total over achiever as a parent. Our first day some guy in the class announced that he's there because "Kids have more rights than parents now, you can't just whoop their A**, so I'm here to learn a different way." Then he adds "Because apparently, even if it works...the RIGHT way isn't allowed."
Ok then. People are weird. The classes themselves are really helpful...but oh, how I wish they were taught in one on one sessions!!!!

Halloween is like 9 days away...and I still have no idea as to what to dress my kids up as. Logan wants to be either 1) Lionel (from thundercats) or 2) Robin (from Batman & Robin) but says "I'd prefer Lionel, because he's cooler." Does anyone have any ideas as to where to buy a Lionel costume?