What Makes a Good Daddy.

Recently I was asked to contribute to a book that is coming out about lessons learned from LDS dads. While it was an honor to be asked to contribute, it says little about my writing abilities and lots about the kind of daddy that I have. Really, he's amazing. I'm still not sure if my story has been selected, but the book is being published by an imprint of Deseret Book and is coming out in a couple of months. I'll keep you posted on that end...but I've been thinking about how lucky I am to have the kind of dad that I do. Yesterday, I was frustrated with my ex husband because of his lack of involvement with the kids. Until this last month...since Christmas, he'd seen them for 3 visits. that's it. Then I talked to Layton and explained that Jonah didn't know that he was his dad. I asked if he would just sign over rights to the kids. He said he would never do that. I told him in a nut shell that just because he doesn't sign a paper giving up his rights, every time he flakes out on a visit or just doesn't see them, it's giving up his rights. I told him that just because he's their biological father, it doesn't mean that he'll have a relationship with them and if he doesn't make the effort....later on they won't either. Also my dad, who again is the best dad ever...and an ever better grandpa told Layton's parents. He told them that he wasn't being a good dad and that he wanted them to know that he knew that.
After that he started making some effort. Even so, it's been about 6 hours in 4 weeks, and that's the most he's seen them in about 8 months.
It's sad and frustrating to me. But there's not much I can do.
My dad has totally stepped up. He has taken them camping (on many many camp trips) They've gong to see fireworks and parades.
It's back to school time and both of them are going to be going to school. Logan will be in Kindergarten and Jonah will be in preschool. Over the past several months I've spent over $400 getting them ready for school. That's fine, they're pretty much ready. They've got their little jeans and spiderman shirts and superhero book bags etc. Well. I forgot about shoes. I decided that I would ask Layton to help buy one of the boys his shoes for school. I forget sometimes that Logan hears EVERYTHING. He was playing downstairs when I called to talk to Layton. Obviously, he wouldn't do it. I told him pretty frankly that was fine, that I would buy them because it is important to me that they look their best. I got off the phone and was just so frustrated with the whole situation that I started to cry. Logan had quietly crept into the other room and came up to me and said "Momma, don't cry. You're my best momma." I laughed and hugged him and told him that I was ok. Logan has these little moments of wisdom sometimes. He looked at me and said "Mom, my dad Layton lets me down a lot, but guess what? Even when he does I have my grandpa and he's always there. and if grandpa wasn't there, heavenly father is, and so I'm ok."
Thank Heavens for Grandpa and Heavenly father, and a five year old who is wise enough to understand that.

The meaning of the word "Frustration"

I started this month with lots of hope for the future. I had prayed about it and felt like the gastric bypass was the right thing for me to do. Then came the decision from the insurance company. Not only no...but h--- no.

Basically, they say that there are no surgical centers of "excellence" in utah. The lady from my insurance company said that there are centers in Oregon and Idaho. I've been to Idaho. Have you ever seen anything better there than in Utah? Exactly. Just curious about the hospital and it's "amenities" I called the hospital to find that among them are listed "Lower cost shared rooms." It gets better. Shared between 2-4 patients. How in the heck is that EXCELLENT?
Also the insurance informed me that when it listed covered procedures and "Bariatric Surgery" was listed....they meant AFTER WORKING FOR THE COMPANY 5 YEARS, WE WILL PAY FOR THE SURGERY....BUT WON'T PAY ANYTHING TO THE ACTUAL SURGEON.

Wow, super guys. You might want to post that under "Bariatric Surgery Covered" even if it is with an asterisk and itty bitty letters underneath.

Well, the only other thing I've been planning my life around right now is our temple sealing. We've been talking about the possibility of babies and such...but 1) I must have a real work schedule. 2) I want to be sealed.

We started the process of filling out the papers etc. in FEBRUARY. It's July. My ex husband has been sent 3 notices. Nada. So I went to church on Sunday expecting to find that the papers had been sent 3 weeks ago. Nope. The bishop wants to make sure Layton has an opportunity to express himself. So he got his phone number to call him. I know I should be more understanding. But I want to be sealed to my husband. Layton had 3 notices that he could have responded to. He didn't. RAWR. Our bishop said that the waiting time once the paperwork gets to church headquarters is about 3-6 months. I know it's a very important process and I have faith in it, but it will be so disappointing if it isn't approved. If it takes 6 months to process, like my bishop expects, we're looking at almost a year for the whole process.

So..then today was Jonah's well child appointment. He's gained 14 pounds in a year. the doctor proceeded to yell at me the "fat mom" for raising a "fat child." He's now put him on a super strict diet. (I really don't think Jonah is that big...)
but how is that for super?

I have to bid for a new shift at work this week. I'm praying that I get something NORMAL. Well, even remotely normal. 9-5 would be great. Anything would be fabulous that is not 7:30 p.m. to 4 a.m.

My New Nephew

So, Ryker (aka Helmut Von Lichtenstein) is here. He's adorable. Here are the pics. (Doesn't Lisa look amazing?)

Still waiting

So it's official. I've been on a 1000 calorie per day diet for 5 weeks. I've lost 4 pounds this week, I feel pretty good about that seeing how in the 4 weeks prior, I had lost .02 pounds. I've submitted my medical records to Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians and they have submitted them to the insurance company for approval. So now we wait. I hate waiting. Hate. Speaking of waiting. Robert and I are still waiting for word back to see if we'll be able to be sealed this year. We're waiting for a temple cancellation for my first marriage. It has been a process of 3 months of filling out forms and getting the ex husband to do the same...and..We're still waiting. yay. Did I mention that I hate waiting? HATE. HATE. HATE. Hopefully soon we'll have some sort of news.

OH DEAR HEAVENS!

So I pretty much avoid Wal-Mart as much as humanly possible, especially with kids. Well, it was my little sister's baby shower last week. Due to the fact that I now work 7:30 pm to 4 am, I barely made her shower....let alone bought a present. I finally decided to go and get her a gift. She had a great baby shower and got almost everything that she needed, so I got her a baby bathtub. I am with my two little boys trying to survive in Wal-Mart and I go to check out and the cashier said to me "Oh, did you buy that for a new grand baby? Um...are you frickin' kidding me? Ok, I did just have a birthday...but I just turned 31. 31 people.

On the surgery front, I did have my consultation with Dr. Sherman Smith for gastric bypass. I spent most of this week collecting my medical records which I am supposed to fax to their office. I'm hoping their office accepts faxes of 400 plus pages. he he. We're hoping it gets approved by insurance. We would already have to come up with $1,600 and we're trying to figure that all out. Because of my fatness....the doctor considers me high risk. He said people in the supra obesity category, (super...I have my own special classification) have enlarged livers which can block the view for surgery. So for the past 3 weeks, I have been on a 1000 calorie a day diet. This will help reduce my liver size prior to surgery. The travesty of all of that is that I have followed the restrictions to the dot. I have packed lunches with low calories and packed healthy snacks like fresh pineapple etc. I went back to the doctor and I have lost .02 pounds. Ok, seriously, how is that possible? I am just hoping that even though my metabolism is about as slow as my father drives, that it is somehow making my liver smaller for surgery.

I have struggled with some people's idea of gastric bypass. I didn't realize how taboo it is. I told a couple of my friends that I was going to have the surgery and they said to me (two separate friends) "Why would you do that? That's the quitter's way of doing it" or "Wow, you're taking the easy way out" or "Well aren't you worried about excess skin."

Um what? seriously? Ok, how many people do you know that have lost 30 pounds and kept it off for more that 1 or two years? I honestly have seen my cycle...I lose weight and gain it all back plus 15 pounds. etc. etc. etc. Looking at this rationally, statistically if I don't do something, I'm going to die, and most likely die young. Also there is very little chance of me losing 200 pounds on my own. Yeah, I agree, it's possible to lose 20, 30, 40 or maybe even 50 pounds, and there might be some chance of keeping it off for the rest of your life. Maybe. Statistically, only 1% of those who lose 10 pounds will keep it off for two years.

Gastric Bypass may be quick, but it is not going to be an easy fix. I am well aware of that. The doctor that is doing my surgery has a 70% success rate after 10 years, that gives me a whole heck of a lot better odds.

First of all, this is major surgery. There are some things that I will never be able to eat and drink again. Carbonation is one of them, Caffeine is another.

The first 4 weeks I'll be on a clear liquid diet (with no juice intake) Which means I can have broth. After that I can add other liquids, without solids like strained soups and yogurt. Then it progresses to pureed foods. Sounds like fun right?
During the first year, I will be allowed 3 meals a day that are 3 oz. Sounds ok right?
well 3 oz is the size of a medicine cup. Also the food that I will eat will consist of 80% protein, 20 vegetables. No carbs/grains, fruits or juices, sugars or fats.

Now, as for the excess skin. Um, I have it now, it's just filled with blubber, yeah...I'd prefer just skin...

Robert just got offered a job today, we're super excited about that. It's got good benefits, which is fabulous as well.

I'll post more about the surgery as I know. We are still waiting for approval.

Sick

Ok. So I've basically had it with being fat. I'm done. Well, ok. I hope I'm done. I decided a couple of months ago that I was going to try, once again, to lose some weight. So, I've been religious. SO careful with what I eat. And the pay off after all these months, I've lost 2 pounds. Wow. So if I keep that up. in 74 months, I'll be where I need to be. That's just fabulous.
This isn't my first weight loss attempt. In fact, there is a very small portion of my life where I don't remember being on a diet. I can remember being on a diet in second grade.
I started thinking, it has NEVER worked for me. (the whole diet thing) I'm thinking of something drastic like gastric bypass. Right now, we're going through the paperwork etc to see if the insurance will pay for it because I have type 2 diabetes, most likely sleep apnea, and a lot of "fat girl" symptoms, like continuous knee and back pain. All of which will most likely be improved with gastric bypass. I didn't know this until I attended the classes, but type 2 diabetes can be cured simply with the surgery. It's an absorption issue, but without losing a single pound, diabetes can be eliminated with the surgery.
Even if the surgery is covered by insurance, there is a good portion we'll have to pay for ourselves, so we're trying to figure all of that out.
I'm actually really excited about all of this. I've researched the diet you have to eat following the surgery and I think I'm prepared. I have a consultation with Dr. Sherman Smith next week. Dr. Smith did his residency with my Uncle Dean, and I guess is pretty well known for his work as a bariatric surgeon.
Anyways, I feel good about my decision and feel like everything is going to work out.

Ok, I have no life.

Sorry for the generic catch up post, I work graves and basically have no life. Here's what has been happening around here in a nutshell.

In February, Robert and I celebrated our first anniversary. For our reception, I ordered a kind of elaborate wedding cake, The lady that was going to make it never showed up, and never returned my calls. She did so kindly email me and say that she forgot the date. So we didn't have the 1 year old wedding cake top to eat. Not wanting to miss out on two traditions I ordered a little cake from a bakery in Kaysville called "Sugar Daisy Bakery." Rarely, and I mean rarely am I in aw of anything. So often people do the bare minimum for what you pay them. My cake was $30 and I told her to make it pretty. She did a great job. Not only was it pretty, it was one of the most delicious cakes I've ever eaten. The bakery specializes in cupcakes...but oh man, that is some darn good cake!!!

We stayed in a cabin at the Alaskan Inn, and it was lovely. It wasn't "the nicest place I've ever stayed" which was how it was described to me...but nothing as far as bed and breakfasts in Utah will ever compare to Kay Malone's Wolfekrest. I think I am just kind of a snob and I don't really dig the whole "theme" rooms. I much prefer the posh.


It was a great weekend and a fun getaway.
For those of you who are unaware, I am currently working two jobs. I work full time at Delta Airlines (graves) and then part time writing for the Standard-Examiner.

So during my online sabbatical, the boys both celebrated their birthdays.
For Jonah's 3rd Birthday in March, we had a transformers theme. We went and got gourmet cupcakes at the sugar daisy bakery, we went to "How to Train Your Dragon" and we had a party at grandpa and grandma's house complete with transformer pinata.This is my brother David jumping on the tramp with the boys. He got tickled pretty adequately.

For some reason David and Lisa (my siblings) both thought it would be a great idea to put tatoos on my kids. It did emotional damage. Each time you put a sticker on Jonah now he has to make sure it comes off.

We also had Easter. We got each of the boys a new church outfit for Easter. Don't they look cute?
Robert sent me these

For Logan's 5th birthday in April, we had a "How to train your dragon" theme, but there weren't any kid movies playing that they hadn't seen. Logan opted for me to make his cake instead of the gourmet cupcakes. He picked his usual...pink cake with pink frosting. (his favorite color is pink) Again, we had a big party at our house and then at grandma's house too.


OK, you've all witnessed the ghetto-ness of my family. When I was little, we NEVER had wrapping paper. I mean NEVER. My mom always "wrapped" our presents in towels. I promised myself I would never do that. This year I even bought wrapping paper. I just never had a chance to wrap them, so my kids opened presents out of plastic bags. I know. It's awful.