New blog

So I have had gastric bypass surgery, but I decided that I want to focus a seperate blog on that an not dwell on that here. I'm going to post updates on my kids and family here.

My new blog is www.theskinnymonkey.blogspot.com

Yikes

So Santa has visited our house, the stockings are hung by the chimney with care and all of that...and I am awake, because sadly night is when I'm awake. I've got plenty of time to sit here and worry.

I have been approved for surgery. I have a surgery date. December 29. I just keep thinking what is going to happen to my little guys if something happens to me. I have a very knowledgeable surgeon who has been doing gastric bypass surgeries for nearly 30 years. I have researched my options. I know the risks and complications that can come from surgery. I have thought and prayed about my decision and have felt good about it. Now...I'm worried. I'm worried about my little boys.

Earlier this week, I had an ultrasound and and upper GI study (with barium)....to prepare for surgery. Did I mention that they were both awful?
Ok, I get that I'm fat...but seriously the girl doing the ultrasound pressed so hard into my guts to get a good picture, that I seriously have huge bruises all accross my belly. That, sadly, is nothing compared to having to drink barium. I couldn't eat at all before the test, and so I already had a bunch of acid in my throat from my acid reflux. Then, the hand me a drink that is about 10 times more fizzy than 7-up, but it was an awful lemon lime flavor. They tell me it will make me feel like I have to burp, but do not burp. Then they hand me this cup and tell me to drink three big swallows. It was seriously the consistency of pudding. I gagged but didn't vomit.
and the glass of nastiness down. Then they tell me to lay on a table, and roll around to coat my belly with this chalk garbage. I was already feeling nauseated, but then they said we're going to have you lay down and sip through a straw while we're taking x-rays. Um. ok. Well, it didn't quite work like that. I attempted to do what they asked and the barium inside of me decided to head on back up. I was able to keep it down and they finished the test but it was awful.

Also, I'm a little worried about the cost of the surgery. I was told initially that I was going to have to pay $500 for the cost of my patient education and supplies. This isn't covered by insurance and I have to pay it on December 27. It's been 6 months of trying to get approved for the surgery. During this time, we've managed to save nearly enough to cover these expenses.

I got a letter from the surgeon yesterday that informed me that I will actually have to pay nearly $2000 prior to surgery. This pays a deposit on the surgeon, co surgeon and pays a deposit to LDS hospital. I will also be taking 7 days off of work unpaid,assuming I am approved after that for my short term disability.

My short term disability will not be decided until AFTER I have surgery, which makes me SO nervous.

Tonight Robert and my Dad, Brandon and David put their hands on my head and gave me a blessing. I feel better. I know it's a good idea, but I'm still nervous about the unknown.

I worked my last night taking telephone calls for delta...well at least for 6-8 weeks. I work tomorrow and the next day, but I'm helping with the new hire classes and so I get to work an earlier shift and I won't be answering any calls....until Mid-January to February :)

APPROVED!

It's funny how a couple of weeks can bring clarity to a situation. I have waited and waited for the new shift bid. I kept feeling like, life could return to normal once I got a different shift. Then we bid for our shifts...and I got pretty much the same grave yard shift with thursday friday off. I was devastated.
Then I've struggled with getting approved by my insurances for gastric bypass surgery.
Now, a couple of weeks later, I have started bay assisting/helping new hire classes and they change my shift to have me do that.
Not to mention, today I was approved for gastric bypass surgery.

I can't really believe that I'm to this point. I call tomorrow to schedule a surgery date. I'm waiting to find out about a leave of absence from work. So far, everything seems to be working out.

Hopeful.

I can't even explain what the last couple of months have been like. I don't want to be a complainer, but I really have felt like life was caving in on me. First of all, Robert lost his job several months ago, and it has been just me supporting the fam. That's a hard place to be, I was very grateful to have two jobs, but then was laid off from my job as a newspaper correspondent. Let me just say, $10 an hour is not enough to support 1 person, let alone 4. So, needless to say, it's been rough. I felt a total loss after losing my correspondent job. I loved that job. I seriously would have done it for free. But, there is a reason for everything. I really believe that is the way it needs to be. I work a terrible shift for Delta. (Love the job, hate the shift) seriously, 730 pm to 4 am. I have Monday Tuesday off and with the other job, I had to go to council meetings on Tuesday nights. brutal. I must say it has been a joy to be able to be home with my kids on those nights.
Also, I made the decision to get gastric bypass surgery. The insurance through my work has denied me on several occasions; not because I'm not fat enough, but because I have to work for delta for 5 years before they will pay for it, and even then, they won't pay for the surgeon.
Just when I thought the world was going to cave in on me...Robert got a job at Discover card. I have never heard of a company that treats their employees better. They only pay $12 an hour, but he will make commission and they have health benefits from day one....that cover gastric bypass.
I'm almost afraid to hope. But it appears that I qualify no problem. I'm hoping for surgery December or January...basically we're waiting to get our insurance ID numbers so that I can get the surgery approved. If we can get the surgery approved, then we'll be able to set a date for surgery. The doctor we are hoping to use is Dr. Sherman Smith, and he said it is usually a couple of weeks from approval of insurance.
Realistically, this could be my last Thanksgiving and Christmas pre-surgery.
I am so wishing that it was my mom's year to have thanksgiving, because this will be the last thanksgiving that I will be able to eat more that 1/4 cup. (Anyone who knows my mom, knows she is an amazing cook. She comes from the Glanvilles, and it's basically genetic.) Instead we're having thanksgiving at the inlaws....where everything minus the fried turkey is store bought....sigh.
At work, things are going well, We bid for a new shift in a few weeks, the new shift will start in January. I am hopeful that I will get a better shift, and a more normal life to follow. I guess we'll see soon.

A week of dejunking

I took a week off while my parents move to their new house, so they don't have to watch my two little guys and move 30 years of stuff to a new house. I decided this week that I'm going to dejunk. I've nearly finished the kids room, their toy room, my craft room, the computer room, the office and my bedroom and the kitchen are next. It feels so good to get rid of a bunch of stuff. Speaking of which if anyone is in need of any toys or things for younger children. I have 4 very large boxes of things we're getting rid of.


Also. Here is the official trailer for the book that I contributed to. It was exciting to see.

San Diego.

What more can I say? Isn't this beautiful? My aunt and uncle have this amazing condo on the beach in San Diego. I went there as a child and remember thinking it was magical. As the years have passed, I have forgotten how magical it really is. The last time I went there, I was a teenager. I will say, it's been about 17 years, and it's still just as magical. This time I got to take my sweet little boys. Well, my parents drove there with them. I joined them a few days later and spent a day and a half there. We played on the beach, we walked to P&G (or P&B) store and got souvenirs. We even got panhandled by members of greenpeace. It was lovely.

(I'm omitting the fact that my mom and dad left a light on in the car and the battery died, and I had to pay $60 to get from the airport to the condo...but even with that mentioned...nothing could have ruined the trip for me!)

Robert couldn't get off of work, but I had enough fun for both of us!

It was so fun to stand in the ocean and jump into the waves with my little guys. We had dinner at a nearby restaurant and played in the condo while we listened to the sound of the ocean outside of the screen door.

Before going to San Diego, I had been scheduled to work until 4am. I luckily got off at 1:30 am and got home by 2:30. This allowed me nearly 4 hours of sleep before I headed to the airport to catch my flight.

Tuesday morning my body did not allow me to wake before 9:30 am....10:30 am Utah time. Luckily my dad got the car working and we headed out to see some more sites. We stopped at a local grocery store and bought some snacks for the kids, then we went to Old Town.

On our way to old town, I had a very traumatic experience. Jonah is just learning to go potty on the toilet. He really is doing well. So, we're sitting in the car driving when he announces "I have to poop." Being at a public park, my dad pulls up to the public restrooms and I get out to take Jonah in there. As we approach the building, I see a San Diego City vehicle with a giant pressure washer on the back. One of the worker hands me a roll of toilet paper and says "Good Luck." I laughed because I thought that he meant "Good Luck wrangling your little one."
As I entered the restrooms, I saw a sight of horror. ***WARNING GROSSNESS TO FOLLOW**** There was poop smeared all over a good portion of the floors and walls. My first thought was "HOW ON EARTH DID THAT COME FROM ONE PERSON" I know, gross...
anyways, Jonah looked around and then looked up and said "My poop is gone, lets go find papa"

I couldn't really blame him. There's nothing on this earth that could have made me use those facilities, I was happy Jonah felt the same way.

After our bathroom park adventure, we went to old town and visited the shops, took pictures in an old covered wagon and had lunch at some Coyote restaurant which was really good.

After that we headed to the airport and luckily made our flight home as well. The kids did great the whole flight home. Jonah didn't realize that the plane was taking him from the beach to Utah. When the plane was making its final descent into SLC, Jonah said "I go to the beach now?" I told him that we are done with the beach for now, and that we don't have a beach in Utah. That is the only time in the whole flight that either kid cried. I figure that's pretty good, especially since it's proof that he had a wonderful time while there.

Ok, so it's official. The story I wrote about my dad is being featured in the book
"Life Lessons from Father's of Faith," and will be published by Covenant Communications (a Deseret Book imprint) it's due out on October 1 and there will be a special about many of the fathers in the book between episodes of General Conference. Many famous fathers including general authorities and famous utahns like the Osmonds and Larry H Miller will be included, as well as my dad!

What Makes a Good Daddy.

Recently I was asked to contribute to a book that is coming out about lessons learned from LDS dads. While it was an honor to be asked to contribute, it says little about my writing abilities and lots about the kind of daddy that I have. Really, he's amazing. I'm still not sure if my story has been selected, but the book is being published by an imprint of Deseret Book and is coming out in a couple of months. I'll keep you posted on that end...but I've been thinking about how lucky I am to have the kind of dad that I do. Yesterday, I was frustrated with my ex husband because of his lack of involvement with the kids. Until this last month...since Christmas, he'd seen them for 3 visits. that's it. Then I talked to Layton and explained that Jonah didn't know that he was his dad. I asked if he would just sign over rights to the kids. He said he would never do that. I told him in a nut shell that just because he doesn't sign a paper giving up his rights, every time he flakes out on a visit or just doesn't see them, it's giving up his rights. I told him that just because he's their biological father, it doesn't mean that he'll have a relationship with them and if he doesn't make the effort....later on they won't either. Also my dad, who again is the best dad ever...and an ever better grandpa told Layton's parents. He told them that he wasn't being a good dad and that he wanted them to know that he knew that.
After that he started making some effort. Even so, it's been about 6 hours in 4 weeks, and that's the most he's seen them in about 8 months.
It's sad and frustrating to me. But there's not much I can do.
My dad has totally stepped up. He has taken them camping (on many many camp trips) They've gong to see fireworks and parades.
It's back to school time and both of them are going to be going to school. Logan will be in Kindergarten and Jonah will be in preschool. Over the past several months I've spent over $400 getting them ready for school. That's fine, they're pretty much ready. They've got their little jeans and spiderman shirts and superhero book bags etc. Well. I forgot about shoes. I decided that I would ask Layton to help buy one of the boys his shoes for school. I forget sometimes that Logan hears EVERYTHING. He was playing downstairs when I called to talk to Layton. Obviously, he wouldn't do it. I told him pretty frankly that was fine, that I would buy them because it is important to me that they look their best. I got off the phone and was just so frustrated with the whole situation that I started to cry. Logan had quietly crept into the other room and came up to me and said "Momma, don't cry. You're my best momma." I laughed and hugged him and told him that I was ok. Logan has these little moments of wisdom sometimes. He looked at me and said "Mom, my dad Layton lets me down a lot, but guess what? Even when he does I have my grandpa and he's always there. and if grandpa wasn't there, heavenly father is, and so I'm ok."
Thank Heavens for Grandpa and Heavenly father, and a five year old who is wise enough to understand that.

The meaning of the word "Frustration"

I started this month with lots of hope for the future. I had prayed about it and felt like the gastric bypass was the right thing for me to do. Then came the decision from the insurance company. Not only no...but h--- no.

Basically, they say that there are no surgical centers of "excellence" in utah. The lady from my insurance company said that there are centers in Oregon and Idaho. I've been to Idaho. Have you ever seen anything better there than in Utah? Exactly. Just curious about the hospital and it's "amenities" I called the hospital to find that among them are listed "Lower cost shared rooms." It gets better. Shared between 2-4 patients. How in the heck is that EXCELLENT?
Also the insurance informed me that when it listed covered procedures and "Bariatric Surgery" was listed....they meant AFTER WORKING FOR THE COMPANY 5 YEARS, WE WILL PAY FOR THE SURGERY....BUT WON'T PAY ANYTHING TO THE ACTUAL SURGEON.

Wow, super guys. You might want to post that under "Bariatric Surgery Covered" even if it is with an asterisk and itty bitty letters underneath.

Well, the only other thing I've been planning my life around right now is our temple sealing. We've been talking about the possibility of babies and such...but 1) I must have a real work schedule. 2) I want to be sealed.

We started the process of filling out the papers etc. in FEBRUARY. It's July. My ex husband has been sent 3 notices. Nada. So I went to church on Sunday expecting to find that the papers had been sent 3 weeks ago. Nope. The bishop wants to make sure Layton has an opportunity to express himself. So he got his phone number to call him. I know I should be more understanding. But I want to be sealed to my husband. Layton had 3 notices that he could have responded to. He didn't. RAWR. Our bishop said that the waiting time once the paperwork gets to church headquarters is about 3-6 months. I know it's a very important process and I have faith in it, but it will be so disappointing if it isn't approved. If it takes 6 months to process, like my bishop expects, we're looking at almost a year for the whole process.

So..then today was Jonah's well child appointment. He's gained 14 pounds in a year. the doctor proceeded to yell at me the "fat mom" for raising a "fat child." He's now put him on a super strict diet. (I really don't think Jonah is that big...)
but how is that for super?

I have to bid for a new shift at work this week. I'm praying that I get something NORMAL. Well, even remotely normal. 9-5 would be great. Anything would be fabulous that is not 7:30 p.m. to 4 a.m.

My New Nephew

So, Ryker (aka Helmut Von Lichtenstein) is here. He's adorable. Here are the pics. (Doesn't Lisa look amazing?)

Still waiting

So it's official. I've been on a 1000 calorie per day diet for 5 weeks. I've lost 4 pounds this week, I feel pretty good about that seeing how in the 4 weeks prior, I had lost .02 pounds. I've submitted my medical records to Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians and they have submitted them to the insurance company for approval. So now we wait. I hate waiting. Hate. Speaking of waiting. Robert and I are still waiting for word back to see if we'll be able to be sealed this year. We're waiting for a temple cancellation for my first marriage. It has been a process of 3 months of filling out forms and getting the ex husband to do the same...and..We're still waiting. yay. Did I mention that I hate waiting? HATE. HATE. HATE. Hopefully soon we'll have some sort of news.

OH DEAR HEAVENS!

So I pretty much avoid Wal-Mart as much as humanly possible, especially with kids. Well, it was my little sister's baby shower last week. Due to the fact that I now work 7:30 pm to 4 am, I barely made her shower....let alone bought a present. I finally decided to go and get her a gift. She had a great baby shower and got almost everything that she needed, so I got her a baby bathtub. I am with my two little boys trying to survive in Wal-Mart and I go to check out and the cashier said to me "Oh, did you buy that for a new grand baby? Um...are you frickin' kidding me? Ok, I did just have a birthday...but I just turned 31. 31 people.

On the surgery front, I did have my consultation with Dr. Sherman Smith for gastric bypass. I spent most of this week collecting my medical records which I am supposed to fax to their office. I'm hoping their office accepts faxes of 400 plus pages. he he. We're hoping it gets approved by insurance. We would already have to come up with $1,600 and we're trying to figure that all out. Because of my fatness....the doctor considers me high risk. He said people in the supra obesity category, (super...I have my own special classification) have enlarged livers which can block the view for surgery. So for the past 3 weeks, I have been on a 1000 calorie a day diet. This will help reduce my liver size prior to surgery. The travesty of all of that is that I have followed the restrictions to the dot. I have packed lunches with low calories and packed healthy snacks like fresh pineapple etc. I went back to the doctor and I have lost .02 pounds. Ok, seriously, how is that possible? I am just hoping that even though my metabolism is about as slow as my father drives, that it is somehow making my liver smaller for surgery.

I have struggled with some people's idea of gastric bypass. I didn't realize how taboo it is. I told a couple of my friends that I was going to have the surgery and they said to me (two separate friends) "Why would you do that? That's the quitter's way of doing it" or "Wow, you're taking the easy way out" or "Well aren't you worried about excess skin."

Um what? seriously? Ok, how many people do you know that have lost 30 pounds and kept it off for more that 1 or two years? I honestly have seen my cycle...I lose weight and gain it all back plus 15 pounds. etc. etc. etc. Looking at this rationally, statistically if I don't do something, I'm going to die, and most likely die young. Also there is very little chance of me losing 200 pounds on my own. Yeah, I agree, it's possible to lose 20, 30, 40 or maybe even 50 pounds, and there might be some chance of keeping it off for the rest of your life. Maybe. Statistically, only 1% of those who lose 10 pounds will keep it off for two years.

Gastric Bypass may be quick, but it is not going to be an easy fix. I am well aware of that. The doctor that is doing my surgery has a 70% success rate after 10 years, that gives me a whole heck of a lot better odds.

First of all, this is major surgery. There are some things that I will never be able to eat and drink again. Carbonation is one of them, Caffeine is another.

The first 4 weeks I'll be on a clear liquid diet (with no juice intake) Which means I can have broth. After that I can add other liquids, without solids like strained soups and yogurt. Then it progresses to pureed foods. Sounds like fun right?
During the first year, I will be allowed 3 meals a day that are 3 oz. Sounds ok right?
well 3 oz is the size of a medicine cup. Also the food that I will eat will consist of 80% protein, 20 vegetables. No carbs/grains, fruits or juices, sugars or fats.

Now, as for the excess skin. Um, I have it now, it's just filled with blubber, yeah...I'd prefer just skin...

Robert just got offered a job today, we're super excited about that. It's got good benefits, which is fabulous as well.

I'll post more about the surgery as I know. We are still waiting for approval.

Sick

Ok. So I've basically had it with being fat. I'm done. Well, ok. I hope I'm done. I decided a couple of months ago that I was going to try, once again, to lose some weight. So, I've been religious. SO careful with what I eat. And the pay off after all these months, I've lost 2 pounds. Wow. So if I keep that up. in 74 months, I'll be where I need to be. That's just fabulous.
This isn't my first weight loss attempt. In fact, there is a very small portion of my life where I don't remember being on a diet. I can remember being on a diet in second grade.
I started thinking, it has NEVER worked for me. (the whole diet thing) I'm thinking of something drastic like gastric bypass. Right now, we're going through the paperwork etc to see if the insurance will pay for it because I have type 2 diabetes, most likely sleep apnea, and a lot of "fat girl" symptoms, like continuous knee and back pain. All of which will most likely be improved with gastric bypass. I didn't know this until I attended the classes, but type 2 diabetes can be cured simply with the surgery. It's an absorption issue, but without losing a single pound, diabetes can be eliminated with the surgery.
Even if the surgery is covered by insurance, there is a good portion we'll have to pay for ourselves, so we're trying to figure all of that out.
I'm actually really excited about all of this. I've researched the diet you have to eat following the surgery and I think I'm prepared. I have a consultation with Dr. Sherman Smith next week. Dr. Smith did his residency with my Uncle Dean, and I guess is pretty well known for his work as a bariatric surgeon.
Anyways, I feel good about my decision and feel like everything is going to work out.

Ok, I have no life.

Sorry for the generic catch up post, I work graves and basically have no life. Here's what has been happening around here in a nutshell.

In February, Robert and I celebrated our first anniversary. For our reception, I ordered a kind of elaborate wedding cake, The lady that was going to make it never showed up, and never returned my calls. She did so kindly email me and say that she forgot the date. So we didn't have the 1 year old wedding cake top to eat. Not wanting to miss out on two traditions I ordered a little cake from a bakery in Kaysville called "Sugar Daisy Bakery." Rarely, and I mean rarely am I in aw of anything. So often people do the bare minimum for what you pay them. My cake was $30 and I told her to make it pretty. She did a great job. Not only was it pretty, it was one of the most delicious cakes I've ever eaten. The bakery specializes in cupcakes...but oh man, that is some darn good cake!!!

We stayed in a cabin at the Alaskan Inn, and it was lovely. It wasn't "the nicest place I've ever stayed" which was how it was described to me...but nothing as far as bed and breakfasts in Utah will ever compare to Kay Malone's Wolfekrest. I think I am just kind of a snob and I don't really dig the whole "theme" rooms. I much prefer the posh.


It was a great weekend and a fun getaway.
For those of you who are unaware, I am currently working two jobs. I work full time at Delta Airlines (graves) and then part time writing for the Standard-Examiner.

So during my online sabbatical, the boys both celebrated their birthdays.
For Jonah's 3rd Birthday in March, we had a transformers theme. We went and got gourmet cupcakes at the sugar daisy bakery, we went to "How to Train Your Dragon" and we had a party at grandpa and grandma's house complete with transformer pinata.This is my brother David jumping on the tramp with the boys. He got tickled pretty adequately.

For some reason David and Lisa (my siblings) both thought it would be a great idea to put tatoos on my kids. It did emotional damage. Each time you put a sticker on Jonah now he has to make sure it comes off.

We also had Easter. We got each of the boys a new church outfit for Easter. Don't they look cute?
Robert sent me these

For Logan's 5th birthday in April, we had a "How to train your dragon" theme, but there weren't any kid movies playing that they hadn't seen. Logan opted for me to make his cake instead of the gourmet cupcakes. He picked his usual...pink cake with pink frosting. (his favorite color is pink) Again, we had a big party at our house and then at grandma's house too.


OK, you've all witnessed the ghetto-ness of my family. When I was little, we NEVER had wrapping paper. I mean NEVER. My mom always "wrapped" our presents in towels. I promised myself I would never do that. This year I even bought wrapping paper. I just never had a chance to wrap them, so my kids opened presents out of plastic bags. I know. It's awful.

It's a tragedy

Ok...I know it's been a long time in coming. (almost 2 years). We'd never have gotten to this point if it weren't for the help of my awesome uncle Drew! He did tons of work in the basement. We have finally painted the toy room and I'm making the decorations, curtains and even chairs. We painted the room a bright red and we're going to decorate it in all Disney. Here is where the problem comes in. The accents in the room (except for crown moulding) are going to be painted black. The chairs I am making are black, red polka dot, and I'm looking for the perfect print of disney fabric...sadly all of the ones I have found are just not "it." Then I saw these curtains on line that were home made. They sucked, but I loved the fabric. I have not been able to find any of this fabric since. I have found things on line made from this fabric, which is apparently out of print.



This is the mickey mouse print that I want, no NEED!


These are the chairs I'm making.

At this point...I'll pay a reward if you can find this fabric!!!!
Oh, why does it always have to be hard!!!

I am, however so excited to say that the room is almost done!!!

I'll post pictures soon!

Diary of a fat chick

I went to the gym for the first time....in about ever today. Ok, maybe not ever...but it's been at least a year, probably longer. I've decided that I have GOT to lose some weight. I know I can do it, because I've done it before. It's the sticking with it thingy. But I figure if I post updates on here, then I'll have to be accountable right? Yeah, I know, no more junk food. Suckish. Hopefully that will prevent premature death, heart disease or the other garbage they say is going to happen to me if I don't lose the weight.

Oh, we both have jobs now. Robert starts working at the Census on Wednesday. I can't even start to explain how excited I am to have him back at work. I love him dearly...but oh.my.gosh. there is only so much gaming I can handle, and I've reached max capacity!!!

I landed a job at Delta. I don't start that until the 16th of February but I am also going to keep my writing gigs for the Standard-Examiner and also toptenreviews.com.

I'll be working at Delta full time. I'm so happy for the opportunity to work there! I'll be able to get insurance shortly after going to work there, so that really is a blessing.

Oh my gosh. I'm so hungry. Why is it that working out always makes me so hungry?! I think it's time for bed!!