Sunday, March 16, 2008
Family Stuff
So Logan woke up this morning with a blazing fever, after a very long day we found out that he has an ear infection (long day meaning time spent at the pediatrician's office!) So I was just sitting here at my parents house and I realized that my whole extended family is the best. My parents are rad, my husband is the best, and my kids are so cute! I just couldn't be luckier! (even with a sick munchkin)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
A Ray of Sunshine
I just thought I would share something that happened today. I was sitting in my office trying to get a little work done before I rushed off to the gym. I had been working for just a couple of minutes when I felt a little presence standing quietly next to me. I looked down and there was my sweet boy Logan standing there watching me intently. I looked at him, frustrated because his Daddy was supposed to be watching him so that I could get some work done.
"Is there something that you need love," I asked in as patient of a voice as I could muster. He looked at me with his big beautiful eyes and just nodded.
"What is it?" I asked, beginning to lose patience.
"I...I..I," he stuttered, "I think you're boo-ful," he said finally.
"Oh, honey," I said and I gave him a hug, feeling guilty for my impatience a moment earlier. He stood there watching me still. I bent over and said, "Is there something else that you need?" He nodded and stood there staring at me.
"What is it?" I asked him.
"I just love you very much," he said.
I smiled and said, "I love you too."
Satisfied with himself he said, "Ok mom, I'm done with my business," and walked slowly up the stairs.
I ran up the stairs and we played and laughed for awhile. What a blessing! What a great reminder of what my business really is!
"Is there something that you need love," I asked in as patient of a voice as I could muster. He looked at me with his big beautiful eyes and just nodded.
"What is it?" I asked, beginning to lose patience.
"I...I..I," he stuttered, "I think you're boo-ful," he said finally.
"Oh, honey," I said and I gave him a hug, feeling guilty for my impatience a moment earlier. He stood there watching me still. I bent over and said, "Is there something else that you need?" He nodded and stood there staring at me.
"What is it?" I asked him.
"I just love you very much," he said.
I smiled and said, "I love you too."
Satisfied with himself he said, "Ok mom, I'm done with my business," and walked slowly up the stairs.
I ran up the stairs and we played and laughed for awhile. What a blessing! What a great reminder of what my business really is!
Why are people mean? (soapbox)
I have noticed a trend lately. For some reason people seem to think that it is enjoyable to be rude, unkind and generally mean. I don't know when this happened exactly, but I do know that I am sick of it. I am sick of teenagers joking around with their friends by saying things like "nerd, dork, or fag." I am sick of people's lack of manners. I was speaking with one of my really good friends today and she related how certain "friends" of hers were making fun of her. She is one of the nicest, kindest people that I know. She said to me "It's ok, they just hurt my feelings." It's not ok though! It made me wonder, "Why would anyone be mean to her?" Then I started to think about why anyone is ever mean to anyone else. Is it jealousy, insecurity, or the fact that they are just a nasty person? It's hard to say.
We need to realize that our culture is becoming a culture of nit-wits. Many americans are too stupid to spell or use proper grammar (I blame text messaging); they are too unrefined to have proper manners; and too rude to treat people kindly.
I made a goal for myself to be a little kinder. We all need to learn to be good friends, parents, children, and even acquaintences. When it comes down to it, how we treat others is all that really matters!
We need to realize that our culture is becoming a culture of nit-wits. Many americans are too stupid to spell or use proper grammar (I blame text messaging); they are too unrefined to have proper manners; and too rude to treat people kindly.
I made a goal for myself to be a little kinder. We all need to learn to be good friends, parents, children, and even acquaintences. When it comes down to it, how we treat others is all that really matters!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I Offer You Peace
So this was basically therapy for myself to help me get through the pain of my nephew committing suicide. I thought that I would post this incase there is someone out there that it can help.
I miss my nephew so much it hurts. I think of him every day as I bend over to kiss my young boys on the head. I think of his smile as I whisper I love you in their little ears. I remember his laugh when I tickle them and they giggle happily.
It wasn’t long ago that we splashed in the lake, kayaking and laughing like there was no tomorrow. It is one of the happiest family reunions we have attended, and a memory that I cherish. Tomorrow came for me, but not for my nephew. More than a year ago, my nephew, a bright young man with a contagious smile and generous spirit, committed suicide. I miss him. There is a pain that comes with losing a loved one to suicide that is indescribable.
My nephew DJ was 14 years old when he committed suicide. He would have been 16 this month. He would be dating and driving, and causing his parents a little teenage grief. But his life, like so many others, was cut short in a split second. One bad decision, was all that it took to end the life of my sweet nephew.
Now our entire family is left to wonder. We ask ourselves so many unanswered questions.
Why did he do it? I don’t know. I don’t think that anyone will ever know for sure, except for him.
I have come to the realization that he must have been in such a dark and terrible place. The pain must have just been unbearable. I don’t know what that pain was, though I wish I did. I don’t know what sorrows lay heavy on his heart, though I wish I could have eased that burden. There is so much regret and pain. So many things “I should have said” or “I should have done”. I will live with that for the rest of my life.
Will he go to hell? No, He won’t.
I know our God is a merciful God, a just God, a kind and a loving God. He is also a father who has lost a son. Would a merciful, loving, kind father abandon a child who has made a mistake? I tell you no.
Mind you, this was the most monumental mistake he made in his entire life.
One mistake, no matter the enormity, does not erase a lifetime of kindness, of good, of love. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my father in heaven has forgiven my nephew and has accepted him into his loving arms. I have felt witness of this. He is ok.
I know that he is on the other side, that he understands the gravity of what he has done. Would take it back if he could? I know that he would. I am certain that he feels the same agony in his soul. I know that he must be sorrowful and miss our family as much as we miss him. I know that he’s cheering for us, hoping that we’ll all live in a way that we’ll be able to be together again as a family.
Will I get to see him again? I know that I will.
I have spent much time in prayer asking for answers and much time in researching. There is not much written on the topic of suicide. People don’t often speak of it. It’s not something that is pretty or comfortable to talk about. It is much easier to cover it up and pretend it’s not there, but this is a growing epidemic.
According to the National Center For Health Statistics, 32, 637 people committed suicide in the US in 2005.
There have been more than 5 million suicide deaths worldwide in this new century alone reports the World Health Organization. This is more than number of deaths caused by war and homicide combined.
The organization estimates there are 10-20 times more suicide attempts than deaths.
There is an added pain for those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide. Part of the grieving process is being able to talk about the ones that we love that have passed on. When someone dies of a disease or terminal condition, you read their cause of death in the newspaper. People talk about it. There is closure. When a loved one dies as a result of suicide, it becomes a dark secret that many family members feel they must hide.
“I love my nephew. I ache that he is gone. He committed suicide,” there is healing in that.
How can we prevent suicide? We need to let our sons and our daughters know that it is ok to feel, it is ok to cry. Sons need not be ashamed of their emotions. It is okay to cry, that is healthy. It is okay to have sorrow. Life is full of sorrow, of disappointment. It is also full of joy, of happiness, of peace and love. Things may be bad now, but it will get better.
We need to communicate with our children. We need to open a dialogue with them while they are still young. So when they are in the darkest, deepest most awful place in their life, they have a place to turn.
We need to teach our children about the miracle of forgiveness; the amazing gift of the atonement, through which we can all be saved. They need to understand that there is always hope, the Lord will always love them, and they can find forgiveness for their sins through the gift of repentance.
All is not lost, there is hope. Satan wants us to believe that we are unworthy to use the atonement, that we are too far gone, that there is no hope. There is nothing further from the truth. Jesus died for all of us. There are none so far gone that our savior can’t reach.
I miss my nephew so much it hurts. I think of him every day as I bend over to kiss my young boys on the head. I think of his smile as I whisper I love you in their little ears. I remember his laugh when I tickle them and they giggle happily.
It wasn’t long ago that we splashed in the lake, kayaking and laughing like there was no tomorrow. It is one of the happiest family reunions we have attended, and a memory that I cherish. Tomorrow came for me, but not for my nephew. More than a year ago, my nephew, a bright young man with a contagious smile and generous spirit, committed suicide. I miss him. There is a pain that comes with losing a loved one to suicide that is indescribable.
My nephew DJ was 14 years old when he committed suicide. He would have been 16 this month. He would be dating and driving, and causing his parents a little teenage grief. But his life, like so many others, was cut short in a split second. One bad decision, was all that it took to end the life of my sweet nephew.
Now our entire family is left to wonder. We ask ourselves so many unanswered questions.
Why did he do it? I don’t know. I don’t think that anyone will ever know for sure, except for him.
I have come to the realization that he must have been in such a dark and terrible place. The pain must have just been unbearable. I don’t know what that pain was, though I wish I did. I don’t know what sorrows lay heavy on his heart, though I wish I could have eased that burden. There is so much regret and pain. So many things “I should have said” or “I should have done”. I will live with that for the rest of my life.
Will he go to hell? No, He won’t.
I know our God is a merciful God, a just God, a kind and a loving God. He is also a father who has lost a son. Would a merciful, loving, kind father abandon a child who has made a mistake? I tell you no.
Mind you, this was the most monumental mistake he made in his entire life.
One mistake, no matter the enormity, does not erase a lifetime of kindness, of good, of love. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my father in heaven has forgiven my nephew and has accepted him into his loving arms. I have felt witness of this. He is ok.
I know that he is on the other side, that he understands the gravity of what he has done. Would take it back if he could? I know that he would. I am certain that he feels the same agony in his soul. I know that he must be sorrowful and miss our family as much as we miss him. I know that he’s cheering for us, hoping that we’ll all live in a way that we’ll be able to be together again as a family.
Will I get to see him again? I know that I will.
I have spent much time in prayer asking for answers and much time in researching. There is not much written on the topic of suicide. People don’t often speak of it. It’s not something that is pretty or comfortable to talk about. It is much easier to cover it up and pretend it’s not there, but this is a growing epidemic.
According to the National Center For Health Statistics, 32, 637 people committed suicide in the US in 2005.
There have been more than 5 million suicide deaths worldwide in this new century alone reports the World Health Organization. This is more than number of deaths caused by war and homicide combined.
The organization estimates there are 10-20 times more suicide attempts than deaths.
There is an added pain for those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide. Part of the grieving process is being able to talk about the ones that we love that have passed on. When someone dies of a disease or terminal condition, you read their cause of death in the newspaper. People talk about it. There is closure. When a loved one dies as a result of suicide, it becomes a dark secret that many family members feel they must hide.
“I love my nephew. I ache that he is gone. He committed suicide,” there is healing in that.
How can we prevent suicide? We need to let our sons and our daughters know that it is ok to feel, it is ok to cry. Sons need not be ashamed of their emotions. It is okay to cry, that is healthy. It is okay to have sorrow. Life is full of sorrow, of disappointment. It is also full of joy, of happiness, of peace and love. Things may be bad now, but it will get better.
We need to communicate with our children. We need to open a dialogue with them while they are still young. So when they are in the darkest, deepest most awful place in their life, they have a place to turn.
We need to teach our children about the miracle of forgiveness; the amazing gift of the atonement, through which we can all be saved. They need to understand that there is always hope, the Lord will always love them, and they can find forgiveness for their sins through the gift of repentance.
All is not lost, there is hope. Satan wants us to believe that we are unworthy to use the atonement, that we are too far gone, that there is no hope. There is nothing further from the truth. Jesus died for all of us. There are none so far gone that our savior can’t reach.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I am Grateful for a Testimony
I was recently talking to my brother-in-law. He is a really great guy, but some where along in his experiences of life, he lost his testimony. He told me he can't remember what a testimony meeting is like and the extent of his would be "I'm here." That got me thinking about all of the blessings that I have in my life. I am so thankful for the sweet small spirit that has born witness in my heart to the truthfulness of the gospel. It's amazing, when you have it..it seems like such a small tender thing, the promptings of the spirit. When it's missing, the void it leaves behind is huge. It is all encompassing, it takes the light and blends it with the dark, and makes decisions (the right from wrong kind) difficult. I am thankful that, in my life, I have the tender whisperings of the spirit. I love my father in heaven and I am so grateful for his gifts in my life!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Random Ramblings
*****WARNING>>>>> I AM ON MY SOAP BOX ON THIS ONE!!!******(politically based)
Why am I a Democrat? Well, that's actually pretty easy, I feel like the Democrats have more of my priorities in mind...Education, Health care, etc. Why do I favor Barrack Obama over Hillary Clinton, that also is pretty easy! I think Hillary has proven herself to be a liar. She has proven that she will say anything or do anything to accomplish what she wants. I think she is completely unethical! Let's look at the time that she did spend in the White House! Both she and Bill had scandals while living there...Do we really want a Clinton (let alone both of them!!!) in the White House again? I can tell you I don't! I think Hillary Clinton has enough haters across America that she is the only shot that John McCain has!!!
This just in...John McCain is endorsing Hillary for the Democratic nomination!!!! (kidding)
This brings me to another point, I am really annoyed with all of the Mormons out there who think that the only ones of us who are getting into the Celestial Kingdom are those of us who are Republican and voted for Mitt Romney. People who are going to vote, need to be aware of the issues. They need to know what their candidate stands for, anything else is irresponsible and foolish. For example, did you know that Mitt Romney favors Tax cuts for the highest tax bracket because "they are the ones with money to spend." The last time I checked, I don't know anyone who qualifies for those tax cuts! (Except for maybe Mitt) We need someone who will take care of our countries poor, those who are impoverished. We need someone who will care about those in our country (and other countries) who are starving, whose children go to bed hungry. If we can't even care for our poor and homeless, that is a pretty sorry comment about us as a society.
There are multiple references in scriptures about caring for those in need (ie Exodus 23:11, Deuteronomy 15:7, Proverbs 17:5, Alma 1:27) It is irritating for me to hear many people that I know look down on those who are less fortunate than they are. It's not that my family is so poor that we can't provide for our family, we do alright. But I was not raised with a lot of money, and I am so grateful for that. It allows me to have compassion for those who are in need.
I think Barrack represents those of us across the nation who are middle class. Those of us who work hard to make our money. The son of a single mother, he grew up poor and has compassion for those who are in need!
Anyways...I am done ranting for tonight!!!
Why am I a Democrat? Well, that's actually pretty easy, I feel like the Democrats have more of my priorities in mind...Education, Health care, etc. Why do I favor Barrack Obama over Hillary Clinton, that also is pretty easy! I think Hillary has proven herself to be a liar. She has proven that she will say anything or do anything to accomplish what she wants. I think she is completely unethical! Let's look at the time that she did spend in the White House! Both she and Bill had scandals while living there...Do we really want a Clinton (let alone both of them!!!) in the White House again? I can tell you I don't! I think Hillary Clinton has enough haters across America that she is the only shot that John McCain has!!!
This just in...John McCain is endorsing Hillary for the Democratic nomination!!!! (kidding)
This brings me to another point, I am really annoyed with all of the Mormons out there who think that the only ones of us who are getting into the Celestial Kingdom are those of us who are Republican and voted for Mitt Romney. People who are going to vote, need to be aware of the issues. They need to know what their candidate stands for, anything else is irresponsible and foolish. For example, did you know that Mitt Romney favors Tax cuts for the highest tax bracket because "they are the ones with money to spend." The last time I checked, I don't know anyone who qualifies for those tax cuts! (Except for maybe Mitt) We need someone who will take care of our countries poor, those who are impoverished. We need someone who will care about those in our country (and other countries) who are starving, whose children go to bed hungry. If we can't even care for our poor and homeless, that is a pretty sorry comment about us as a society.
There are multiple references in scriptures about caring for those in need (ie Exodus 23:11, Deuteronomy 15:7, Proverbs 17:5, Alma 1:27) It is irritating for me to hear many people that I know look down on those who are less fortunate than they are. It's not that my family is so poor that we can't provide for our family, we do alright. But I was not raised with a lot of money, and I am so grateful for that. It allows me to have compassion for those who are in need.
I think Barrack represents those of us across the nation who are middle class. Those of us who work hard to make our money. The son of a single mother, he grew up poor and has compassion for those who are in need!
Anyways...I am done ranting for tonight!!!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Wow, well my goal was to blog a minimum of once a month....looks like I just missed February! I have decided to use this site to post my stand on many of the issues that I feel strongly about. (seeing how most of my friends and family just roll their eyes and ignore me, lol) Watch for some of my work coming in the next couple of days. The month is already speeding by...I can't believe my baby is almost a year old. It is really amazing to me! We will have two birthdays soon, Jonah will turn one at the end of March and Logan will be three in the middle of April.
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