We have a family member who has difficulty making decisions. Well, he makes them easily enough, they are just all wrong. Lately, he has begun a downward spiral that is dizzying to watch. Without hanging dirty laundry up for display...I have had to sit by this morning and watch him make some very foolish decisions.
There is nothing that I can do. I just wish sometimes that I could make decisions for him. Kind of like training wheels on a bike...just to teach him how to do it. I sat this morning and listened for an hour about his probation officer and the pending warrant for his arrest. I told him simply, "It will be easier if you turn yourself in." He decided not to.
I just feel so helpless. I want to do something, anything to help. But I can't. He is an adult. He has the agency to choose for himself.
It made me think, How many times does our Father in Heaven stand by and watch us ignore his words to make foolish choices in our lives. How much heartache and sadness is caused by those of us who think that we know better. I am certain, just like me, he cries tears of pain as we pig-headedly ignore his council. He does it because he loves us and because we were given the gift of agency, the freedom to choose.
It doesn't make it any easier. All of us want to make life easier for our children and family. We help them because we love them. As parents and family, it is so hard to let our children fail.
I can only empathize with his parents. It's hard for me, I can't imagine what they are going through.
Sometimes it's necessary to let someone who you love fail. Wow, that's hard to say. Especially when failing involves jail time and a permanent record.
Really, what else can you do? As long as they have agency, they can make the wrong choice. Choices have consequences.
It really is pretty cut and dry, but it's different when it's your family.
Our church teaches that the family is the nucleus of everything. Everything is centered on the family. I was raised in a family where you do whatever you can to help whoever you can. That's just what you do. It's part of being a family.
I have a hard time when what's best is to refuse help to a family member.
In my case, I had turn this family member away...He wanted to stay with us for awhile.
I know I do have the agency to choose, and I know that my decision was right.
It doesn't make me feel any better.